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Let’s face it, every family fights. Some families fight hot, with heated arguments, and some families fight cold, with the silent treatment. While some families seem perfect on the outside, we all struggle with conflict.

We’ve recently begun our Future Family series at Connexus and we’re getting lots of great feedback of how it’s helping you at home. In week 3 of our Future Family series, Andy Stanley begins to address the challenges of a family conflict and how to handle them. If you haven’t joined us, you don’t want to miss this coming Sunday.

Personally, I know a family fight can cause me to lose my way, to get too emotionally wrapped up in the conflict to think clearly. When you are in that moment, here are 4 compass questions that may help you find our way out.

  1. Will I win the argument but lose the relationship?

Sometimes we can get so caught up in winning the fight, that we lose an important part of the relationship. Are you fighting with your family or for your family? While hard conversations are sometimes necessary, it’s important that as a parent you chose to communicate in a way that gives the relationship value. Be sure that you aren’t tearing down the relationship for the sake of proving that you are right, or in charge. In the long run, a relationship will always matter more than winning an argument.

  1. Is there an unhealthy, personal need to get my own way?

So often we can get caught up in getting your own way. We can often feel like things would be better if we were in charge. Maybe you spend part of your day at work being the boss? Or you spend much of your day wishing you were the boss? This can sometimes spill over into our own life – we want control. But is a personal, and sometimes irrational, need to get your own way fueling the conflict?

  1. 6 months from now, will this still matter?

Sometimes we can end up having conflict over things that really matter – substance abuse, poor friendships, disengagement from school. But, sometimes we can get into conflict over things that matter less – eating peas, wearing rubber boots, or loading the dishwasher. Sometimes it’s important that we get perspective on whether the level of emotion is healthy when compared to the level of importance of the issue at hand. A poor choice in friends will affect my child in 6 months, a poor choice in footwear won’t.

  1. What is ugly about this conflict and how much of it do I own?

It can be a hard thing to do in the moment, but if you can take a deep breath and look in the mirror to reflect on what you own in the conflict, it can sometimes give you perspective. An ability to own your part in a conflict is not only healthy, but it can often take the air out of the balloon and create space for people to begin a dialogue.

What other questions help you when you are in the midst of a family conflict?

Be sure to join us for the next part of Future Family, this Sunday at Connexus.

Be Rich

Are you ready?

Starting this weekend we get to unleash a wave of generosity in our communities as we start our annual giving and serving campaign – Be Rich.

On each of the next four weeks we’ll be answering the call in the book of Timothy - “Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.”

We’ll have the chance to impact our communities in partnership with 30 churches across the world.

It’s going to be a big. Don’t miss out, God is up to something incredible.

We can’t wait to see you Sunday! And to give you a little heads up…. don’t be late!

Barrie and Orillia Campus

Be Rich – Do More, Give More | Andy Stanley, Carey Nieuwhof, Dan Barber

No-strings-attached generosity was the hallmark of the first-century church. It should be a hallmark of the twenty-first-century church too. The apostle Paul told Timothy, “Command those who are rich in this present world . . . to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.” So let’s Be Rich. Let’s do more and give more than ever before.

8.30 and 10.00 am | Galaxy Cinemas, Barrie & Galaxy Cinemas, Orillia

Invite your friend to Barrie here. Invite your friend to Orillia here.

 

Great news. It’s happening!!!

Construction has officially begun on the new Connexus central facility.

Late last week we received a building permit that allowed us to begin work on the new central facility for Connexus Church. This is a place that will serve as a central hub for all we do, including resourcing our Orillia location better. And it’s a project that include a refresh for our Orillia environments that will make our location an even better place to invite your friends.

ground breaking

The pics above are from a groundbreaking ceremony we did recently with our elders, staff and facility team. What a great moment to finally celebrate!

Wanna see more? Have a look…I did a quick 90 second tour of the construction here:

See What You Did There?

And all of this is happening because God is faithful AND because you were bolder than ever.
You’ve prayed more boldly, invited more boldly and given more boldly than ever before over the last two years…and look what’s happening as a result. 

Seriously, you’re taking a vision and making it a reality.

So What’s The Goal Again?

If I want to remind you and me of one thing in the next few (exciting month), it’s this: 

  • Let’s keep our eyes, and hearts, on the real goal.
The real goal is not to build a Central Facility or even a refreshed Orillia campus.

The goal is to lead more people than ever before into a growing relationship with Christ.

Think of husbands, sons, daughters, parents, friends, co-workers, neighbours and people we’ve never met — all in a relationship with Jesus.

So that’s what we’re doing. That’s what we’re aiming for. Simply leading more and more people into a growing relationship with Jesus.

So What Can You Do?

I know some of you will ask, so what can I do now?

Honestly, keep praying, keep inviting and keep giving more boldly than ever.

And in terms of giving:

1. Complete. Please complete your Bold pledge as quickly as possible. Construction has started.
2. Do What You Can. If you’re behind on your pledge, just give what you can. Don’t quit. Every little bit matters and is appreciated. Really!
3. Start. If you haven’t given, now’s the time. Here’s how
4. Help a Friend Out. If you’ve completed your personal pledge, thank you! Maybe you’re one of the people who can step into the gap to give on behalf of those who might have lost their job or had another life change circumstance that has made it hard for them to finish their pledge.


See what happens when a whole community rallies together? Amazing things.

Our boldest moments are our best moments. So thank you for being bolder than ever.

We’ll keep you posted!

-Carey

It’s not every week we get to announce something truly groundbreaking, but this week we do!

What is it?

It’s big enough that it’s only something we’ll announce in person – so you’ll want to make sure you’re present at one of our campuses on Sunday!

We’re excited, and we know you will be too… but that’s all we can say for now!

Be the first to know.

Don’t miss out. Be there Sunday!

We’ve also got some more “typical” Connexus fun and antics planned as Future Family continues this week in both Barrie and Orillia. We’ll see you on Sunday!

Barrie Campus

Future Family – Part 3 – Common Cause | Andy Stanley

When it comes to family, the only thing we all have in common is conflict. Family conflict is like no other because when you win an argument in your family, you don’t really win anything. The conflict is never fully resolved.What if there was a way to resolve family conflict by dealing with it at its source?

8.30 and 10.00 am | Galaxy Cinemas, Barrie

Invite your friend to Barrie here.

Orillia Campus

Future Family – Part 2 – Power Down | Andy Stanley

When the ideal is hard to attain, it’s tempting to just lower the bar and redefine the ideal. This can be especially true when it comes to Jesus’ teachings about family, which many of us have already fallen short of. In this message, Andy Stanley explains why aiming for God’s ideal is still worth it, even when our reality makes reaching it impossible.

8.30 and 10.00 am | Galaxy Cinemas, Orillia

Invite your friend to Orillia here.

 

Happy family

What Should You Be Striving For As A Parent?

There are no perfect parents, and there are no perfect kids. So what is the ideal family? What should be our goal?

In our Future Family series with Andy Stanley, Andy tackled the gap between what’s real and what’s ideal in our families.

When I look at my family, there is a tension between what is real around me and what is ideal. While I should be a patient parent, I can find myself making mistakes and pulling my hair our every day. God sets out some great ideals for us as parents. The big question is:

Will I abandon ideals, or lower my standards, just to make me feel better about my parenting?

OR

Will I accept that even if I won’t be the ideal parent, I need to parent toward ideals?

What does it mean to abandon ideals as a parent? What ways do I let myself off the hook or lower the standard for my family or myself as a parent?

Here are 3 ways I find myself lowering my standards as a parent:

  1. By quietly judging the parents around me.

    Sometimes pointing out the mistakes in others is motivated by a need to make us feel better about ourselves. This is true in all aspects of our lives, including parenting. We can find ourselves judging, gossiping, or critiquing the parents around us (or their kids) as an escape from focusing on our own need to improve how we lead our own children to grow in their relationship with Jesus and with others.

  2. By blaming my own parent.

    As we know, not every parent had a good experience when they were being parented. The words “mom” or “dad” are never neutral. Sometimes we can find ourselves blaming the past for our parenting mistakes today. “I have a temper because my dad did.” “It probably isn’t right, but that’s what my mom did.” We sometimes need to be reminded that the bad habits we inherit are meant to be broken not to be blamed. Our past shouldn’t be an excuse to not parent towards an ideal, but a springboard towards something better.

  3. Excusing ordinary situations by calling them extraordinary.

    So often my parenting excuses start with claiming that my current situation is an exception to the ideal.

    “The reason I don’t spend time with my kids is because I’m so much busier than everyone else.”
    “The reason I don’t pray with my kids is because it just won’t work with my child.”
    “The reason I yell at my kids is because I’m under so much more stress than most people.”
    “The reason I have these challenges is because my son is a December baby.”

    By claiming our situation is extraordinary gives us an excuse to lower our standards.

So – how do we handle the tension between what’s real and what’s ideal?

The answer: We take our cues from a God who models this for us. One of the mysteries of God is his ability to hold up ideals for me to aim towards, but to hold out his arms with grace because He knows I won’t always meet them – all with the goal of seeing me grow in my faith as a person and a parent.

God knows you aren’t a perfect parent, but He continues to hold up the ideal of a Jesus-led parent in one hand and His perfect grace for your mistakes in the other. Strive for what’s best, while understanding that God is ready to forgive and walk alongside you every step of the way.

If you haven’t had a chance to join us for our Future Family series, catch up online and we’d love for you to join us this Sunday.

Written by Jeff Brodie

Connexus Church
Executive Director
Director of Family Ministry